Question for Bernie
I just listened to you on Natural Health 365 and what an inspiration! I feel like a new person just from the enlightenment that I received today.
I am a 45 year old woman who has spent her life hiding her true feelings for fear of hurting or angering others. On the other hand, I am very rebellious and independent, never asking for anything. (I was almost evicted years ago from my first apartment over $400 because I wouldn’t ask for help. And I never did. I just moved out before eviction. My mom would have given it to me in a heartbeat … if I had been willing to ask or even disclose my situation.)
I will be 45 in 3 months and most days I feel at least 65 years old. I am weighed down with sadness, anger, and depression but you’d never guess that from looking at me or dealing with me. I have lots of unspoken feelings. This has manifested into physical problems and what I believe to be a diagnosis of cancer. I tried doctors, but after needles, CAT scans, X-rays, biopsies, and even cameras down my throat, I still got “You’re fine! You’re too young to have cancer!” I stopped going to doctors about seven years ago. I changed my diet to a mostly raw vegan one and still felt horrible because mentally I feel oppressed by and resentful of my diet. I ended up back on the SAD diet (standard American diet) three years ago and now can’t seem to get back to a healthy one no matter how desperately I need to. I know I have a serious health problem, but now I’m afraid to know the truth.
My question is: when trying to heal unresolved emotions, do I have to confront people and speak my truth, or can I handle this internally? I know my problems are all emotional, and I’m not sure that I can handle the residue that others might give off by knowing the truth. I don’t like confrontation or rehashing things, and I don’t like long, drawn out conversations about “stuff.” I just want to deal with me and learn how to be a calm ocean in the midst of chaos. I need to be truly happy, love myself like I never have, and realize that I do deserve to be healthy and whole.
Thanks for your time. I really am impressed by your intuition and clarity! I know you are busy, but I do hope to hear from you. I don’t usually put my cards on the table so easily. And, of course, this is not my story—just the result of my story. But it would mean a lot to me if you could respond. Thanks again.
Please stop succumbing to a message you got along the way in early childhood and begin now to always ask for help when you need it. That is one of the most important survival behaviors.
Go to the top of the first page on my website (Quick Links) and click on the Immune Competent Personality.
I have told many people who, like you, hate confrontation in the usual emotionally destructive way it happens. Instead, to get your point across, be a “love warrior” using love as your “weapon.” Tell people who are judgmental and critical, that while you don’t like the way they offer their thoughts, you still love them. Keep repeating that each time a potential confrontation arises and sooner than you expect, these difficult people will start to change their approach to talking with you.
Anger is appropriate when people don’t respect you, but you can love them while disliking their behavior. Respect is not something you can demand or automatically expect from others. You, can, though always get respect from yourself by learning to take the wheel when a potential confrontation arises and steer the course of events with your own authentic messages. Those messages to your “passengers” include that you respect yourself because you can love them without liking their behavior, and that you are courageous enough to live an authentic life. That means that you do not hide your feelings and thoughts, but you learn ways to bring them out in the open without damaging anyone else.
Remember this and make it your motto:
You are in charge of your thoughts and feelings and how they affect your life and body.
When you go through difficult times, ask, “What am I to learn from this?” Love yourself and abandon your past—then you will be truly free.
Question for Bernie
I had a good doctor visit last week. I decided to see if I could bring some
humor into our meeting, so when he felt my spleen and thought it was in good
shape, then remarked that he couldn’t feel my liver at all, I said, “Oh, does that mean I
don’t have one?” For a minute he looked serious then realized that I was joking, and we both laughed. I felt grateful that he seemed to be in the moment!!
My hematocrit is 0.467 and my platelets 619, so I am having a venesection today of one unit. I don’t much like it, but I continue “talking” to my bone marrow and hope that the message will calm it down.
The night after I got my results I had a dream. I was galloping on a horse—a wonderful feeling.
My own horse died 18 months ago. She was 34 years old and I got her when she was four years old, so she was a lifelong friend and companion.
The horse I was riding in my dream started to break down, so I had to get off and continue on my way on my own. The horse died but its death certificate flashed across my eyes. I read, Cause of Death—autoimmune disease. It didn’t cause me any concern in the dream, but when I woke up and thought back on the dream, it made me feel a bit weird.
Soon after I woke up from the dream, my nine year old daughter came into bed for a cuddle and asked me if the problem with my blood was going to mean that I would die young!!! Of course, I hadn’t told her about the dream. I said to her, “Molly, I intend to live a long and healthy life.” But her question sort of shook me up a bit.
Later the same day, my dad phoned me and I told him I had been offered a freelance job at a school teaching the children bookbinding. I was very excited about it but also asking myself, “Can I really do it?” He said quite casually, “You deserve it.” Those words meant so much to me coming from him. It made me cry for a long time, as I feel I’ve been just holding on, and not having a dad to communicate with properly for so many years.
I’m very tearful at the moment and feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything that is happening. New opportunities are coming my way and other things are falling away, which can seem scary. But it all feels good. I was able to share my feelings in art therapy yesterday and now with you.
I remember asking a doctor early on when I was diagnosed why I had this disease. He said, “I don’t know, but you were not born with it.” I said, “…then I must be able to get rid of it!”
I haven’t been able to do that, but something is happening which is bringing me a richer life anyway.
Thank you for listening.
“…and continue on my way on my own.” Those words from your dream are the message that you no longer need a horse, or anything else, to carry you forward in life. Your strength has grown so much as you have worked to understand how the mind affects the body that you can safely and surely rely upon yourself to create a fulfilling, happy life.