Question for Bernie:
How am I supposed to be a love warrior when my dad yells and makes me hate myself?
I’m sitting here crying, not wanting to live here, and hating everything that he’s ever made me feel—worthless and overweight.
How do I accept that??
Bernie’s Answer:
Move out. Take action that puts you in control absolutely. But understand that your father does not make you hate yourself. You decide to do that.
And it is your decision, too, to be a love warrior. Your father’s response to you saying “I love you” to him whenever he criticizes you will take two or three months. But one day, when you don’t say “I love you” to him, he will notice. And from what many, many other people who have decided to be love warriors have told me, the response you will get from your father on the day you skip telling him “I love you” will be, “You forgot something.”
Happiness comes from understanding that we decide what we think, and that nobody else can tell us who we are. When you allow yourself to believe that anyone else can tell you who you are, you give away the power you are born with.
Ask yourself why you continue to allow your father to decide for you who you are. The only reason to give away your power to decide what you think is so that you don’t have to take responsibility for who you are. Your father angers you with his criticism because what he says doesn’t acknowledge what you know is true—you know that being a whole person is much more than how anyone looks.
Taking responsibility is part of accepting the power you have to decide what you think, as well as what you do. Sometimes, people choose not to leave the people or places that are causing them unhappiness. If that is what you choose, you must take the responsibility for how the outcome affects you.
Yes, your father may be offering his unwanted opinions about you, but you have the ultimate power to decide if you listen to him or not. If you believe he is cruel and untruthful about who you are, it is because you know who you are. You have decided who you are. It is a waste of your time and energy to try and make your father agree with you. His opinion cannot change who you have decided you are.
If you choose to stay in his environment, then being a love warrior is a way to make your point without engaging in arguments and creating more distress. The other way to handle this situation is to take the responsibility of deciding to leave his environment and establish your own. In your own environment, it will be all that much clearer that you are in complete control of what you think and also what you do.
Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this unhappy situation with my father?” There can be many answers to this, but one very important thing you are learning is how to take care of your body. That learning alone can ensure a healthy future because our bodies respond in very positive ways when we remove, or greatly diminish, any stress we have in our lives. Your immune system is strengthened and is able to ward off many kinds of diseases and disorders.
So take the power you are born with and use it to eliminate the stress caused by your father’s criticism. He has no power to decide for you who you are as a person. You—and you alone—decide who you are. You will encounter people all throughout your life who will try to tell you who you are. Even though this lesson seems painful right now, be grateful that you are learning, while you are still young, that nobody, no matter who they are, can tell you who you are.
What you tell yourself about yourself establishes the self-esteem and confidence you need to go on and live a full life. Clearly you know that you are far more than anything your father says, or you wouldn’t be so distressed about his criticism. But now you know that it doesn’t matter what he says, he cannot make you into a person who you do not decide to be. Focus on your inner self to find out who you truly are. Don’t obsess about your outer self. When you know who you are deep within and you love the person you are, a light shines outward and attracts people to your positive energy.
Whether you are thin or not, have perfect features or not, are wealthy or not, have a great education or not, if you give off a negative impression, people will avoid you. Now is the time to take full charge of yourself, leave the superficial concerns behind, and decide who you truly are. Listen to your own inner voice. It speaks your truth.
Peace,
Bernie
Question for Bernie:
I saw you at a seminar in Hagerstown, MD, in the 1990’s when I was going through chemo for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. It has been 20 years since my diagnosis and there is no sign of disease!
The problem I have now regards my wife who recently underwent what we thought would be a routine hysterectomy, and cancer was found (not sure what type yet). Now she needs to become an ECaP.
I just bought some of your CDs from you son’s store. We need your help here in West Virginia.
Bernie’s Answer:
Please read at least two of my books. The ones to read first are Love, Medicine & Miracles, and my newest one which was just published, The Art of Healing: Uncovering Your Inner Wisdom and Potential for Self-Healing.
If your wife wants me to coach her we can do it through drawings and e-mails. Remind her, if she needs reminding, that you are still here 20 years later—and she can be, too.
Peace,
Bernie