The Bricks of Love

Dear Everybody,

What benefits do love and amnesia share? Think about the comment that love is blind and what it means. What is love blind too? If you look at the Biblical description of love you will notice that love does not see faults. It is blind to the imperfections of others. I have learned from a concussion and amnesia that if you are not capable of unconditional love amnesia is very beneficial. When I experienced amnesia I got along exceptionally well with my wife and our five kids. I had nothing to get upset about because I couldn’t remember what happened yesterday. When my memory came back I was in big trouble until I saw a therapist who handed me Corinthians 1:13 and said if I did what it said it would save me a lot of therapy time and expense, as well as, help me to create a happy family. She was very right. So spread love blindness wherever you can; be a carrier.

Another thought I had about relationships was that they are all about love and laughter. When we build our relationship with the bricks of love and use humor as the cement to hold them together our relationship will survive. The following are the words of Eknath Easwaren:

“Jealousy comes into a relationship when we try to possess someone for ourselves. It is a very difficult secret to discover: that when we do not want to possess another person selfishly, when we do not make demand after demand, the relationship will grow and last. And it is something we have to learn the hard, hard way. This is the secret of all relationships, not only between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, but between friend and friend, parents and children. Instead of trying to exact and demand, just give, and give more, and give still more. This is the way to earn love and respect.”

Some of you may have seen the following poem before. It was my response to being hurt when, after my wife came home from shopping, I brought in all the groceries while she ran to the bathroom. When she returned to the kitchen all she said was, “You don’t put tomatoes in the refrigerator.” Not one word of thanks or gratitude. So I wrote the following poem in response.

Tomatoes don’t belong in the refrigerator
I did it again
My wife may never forgive me
Our marriage is on the rocks
I snore, put tomatoes in the fridge
Walk and eat too fast
The divorce lawyer doesn’t know how to help us
Reach a valid settlement for my cruelty
He suggests we try to work it out
Give love a chance
And don’t put tomatoes in the fridge
I read his settlement to my wife
She laughs
I love her when she laughs
And forget the difficult times
We fire the lawyer

The following is a note I gave my wife, over a decade ago, for a past anniversary. I discovered it the other day in my computer and read it to her again. How you would respond to it if your loved one read it to you?

“There is no card and truly there are no words that can ever express my love for you adequately. I feel it in my body and soul and wish I could have you feel what is inside me. I hope you will continue to forgive me, as you always do, for my weaknesses and faults. Your touch and kiss are the greatest gift I have ever known. Throughout my life I could always count on your love. You were always there to come home to and I bless you and thank you for that gift. It is the greatest gift anyone could ever hope for and receive. I shall continue to work to provide you with a husband who is deserving of your love. I look forward to our years together and sharing my life with you. To see the blossoms, walk the beaches, shop, care for the pets, argue, make love and live. Bless you. I find it hard to stop thanking you because words are inadequate to express my desire to tell you what you mean to me. You are my anniversary present.”

When she heard the sentence ‘I shall continue to work to provide you with a husband who is deserving of your love,’ Her reaction was: “So, you are still looking for another husband for me.” We both had a very good laugh.

I think the following poem of mine says it all.

As we ride our bicycles over the road
She points and says, “Bittersweet,”
“What, I can’t hear you?”
She points again
I look and see the beauty of Bittersweet
I feel the peace its beauty brings
Bittersweet, I am struck by the taste of her words
They do not make sense
But they explain our life together
And point out the road to peace
Bitter, lights left on, counter covered with things not put away,
Laundry not folded, tired, forgetful and more
Sweet, her love, smile, laughter, touch, caring, beauty
Bittersweet, but I hardly taste the bitter
She is so sweet
Life is Bittersweet
Thank God for you Honey
I hope you flavor my life forever

So don’t try to be normal. Being normal, as Jung said, is only desired by those who feel inadequate.

Now finish the following: The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us……… I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating and in fourteen days…….. Marriage is a wonderful institution…….

Everyone needs recognition for their accomplishments, but few people make the need known quite as clearly as the little boy who said to his father, “Let’s play darts. I’ll throw and you say ‘Wonderful!’  ”
~Author Unknown

Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.”
~Kahlil Gibran

Bernie Siegel, MD