Q & A with Bernie – October 9, 2017

Question for Bernie:

Dear Bernie,

How are you? I was meaning to drop you a line for a while now – better late than never.

I have recently been listening to a couple of your meditation talks on my phone when I am trying to relax and they do help – thank you.

I have been seeing a therapist since July to help me resolve childhood issues that I discovered have been affecting my relationships with men.

I met a nice man in March and I really liked him – but he epitomized my low self-worth that developed in childhood, and I became attached to him and afraid he would leave me/ not want me/ not notice me or love me.  It was sadly an unhealthy attachment to someone who was unable to meet any of my needs.  He did manage to fulfill my fears of being unlovable, invisible and unworthy.  I finally could take no more and let him go – but am finding it challenging and am amazed at how hard it seems to be for me to love myself?

I am at least glad that I have awareness now that I have issues with my own worth.  It sounds so ridiculous to write this?  I just want to have a healthy regard for myself and a dignity to know my worth.  I am trying to heal the wounds of childhood -that I am not really sure what they are – but so be it.

How are you?  I hope you are keeping well and enjoying the majestic colors of autumn…with love and best wishes from the UK.

Bernie’s Answer:

The wounds of childhood that can follow us through life come from not feeling loved and from trying to please one or both parents.  The best healing comes from actively reparenting yourself.

Learn to love yourself by putting pictures of you as a child all around your living space.  Then, every time you look at that little person in the picture—that little you—tell her “I love you, kid!”

You can begin to love yourself right away for your strength to persevere in your quest for a healthy sense of self-worth as well as your openness to healing. I commend you for making the choice to understand negative influences and then work on changing them. That takes courage.

I care about you and am your CD = chosen dad.  Keep me updated on your progress—that is really important to me.