Don’t Feed the Monster Anymore

Good morning Lovely You,

Let’s have tea. I’m ready to write.

Are there wounds that you need to heal with family or friends this holiday season? What wound do you carry around with you day after day that is weighing you down? We all have wounds they are either emotional or physical. Perhaps both because emotional wounds can cause physical wounds.

What are the reasons you carry around your wounds?

Why can’t you heal them?

Sometimes we think we have healed our wounds and then all of a sudden they appear out of nowhere. Maybe we suppressed them and have been living in denial for years. Something happens in our lives, and the old wounds rear their ugly heads.

The deepest wounds often come from our childhood. These deep wounds affect the way we see the world and ourselves. I know I have struggled with deep childhood wounds, and the wounds I carried around with me changed my personality and my life.

I never thought I was good enough and became a shy and withdrawn child. I would get very embarrassed and blush frequently. My mother would tease me about my blushing, and that would make things even worse. I lived in fear and had anxiety attacks.

My mother was an Opera singer – a prima donna. Growing up, my mother had to be the center of attention, and she attracted countless people (fans) in her life that would praise her constantly. She would spend hours doing her makeup and hair and had to have her dresses made by a seamstress so that no one else would have her exact outfit.

I would be criticized continuously for my hair and clothing. My mother would say things like, “How can I show my face in town with you dressed this way.” Yet at gatherings of her friends, she would dress me up and parade me around bragging about her “amazing beautiful daughter.” She never did or said these things to me in private. As I grew up into a young woman, things got worse. My mother would rummage through my room and read my letters and journal. One day I asked her why she was snooping around in my personal items, and this is what she said, ” I don’t want you getting pregnant at a young age as I did. You ruined my singing career. I wanted a boy anyway to keep the family name. ”

I remember one of my visits to New Zealand, I was in my late 30’s and a stage 4 cancer survivor. I had immigrated to America, bought my own home, and had a successful Business Consulting career in Boston. My mother said to me, “Prue, why didn’t you develop your singing voice like me? You’ve wasted your whole life. You will never amount to anything. You have always been such a disappointment to your father and me.”

This statement was very hurtful but I knew how to deal with it this time.

My father had died years before. He was killed by a young driver as he crossed the street, so my dear dad didn’t have a chance to share his side of the story. My saving grace that day was I knew deep down in my soul that my father would be very proud of my accomplishments. I didn’t react to mother’s statement like I normally did. I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I went to the whispers within and heard my father’s words loud and clear. I felt my feelings and let them go.

Your wounds don’t have to hurt you anymore. The first thing to do is to look at the wound and understand where it is coming from. Wounds help you become resilient and strong. Don’t keep your wounds in the dark as I did for many years, let them come out so you can have a good hard look at them.

It’s all about loving yourself enough to take a good look at yourself.

6 Things to do to start healing your wounds:

1. Tap into your intuition and pay attention to what you need to heal. Ideas and clues will come out as whispers, feelings, and thoughts. Write them down and take a look at the words. Never ignore your emotions or push them down because this will shut you down from your true beautiful self.

2. Be careful of self-talk that sounds like self-pity or victim talk. Watch out for anger and dark mood swings. Also, the way you talk to yourself will affect people close to you. People you love. Be strong and change your thoughts mid-stream.

3. Find loving words to say to yourself to bring you back to peace and harmony. Don’t ever hide who you are. Your vulnerabilities are beautiful. They are the things that wake you up in the night, the feelings you feel that not a soul in the world knows about. The fragile parts of you need to be seen and loved. Don’t cover them up with denial and anger. It causes dis-ease.

4. Learn to forgive. We all get it wrong sometimes, and we do stupid things that hurt the people we love. When you’re the one who has been hurt, acknowledge it and feel hurt or angry, but don’t use your hurt or anger in a way to keep the power or take control. Let it go.

5. Perfection: Is perfection weighing you down? We are all far from perfect. Perfection is an illusion and can hold us back from our goals and dreams. We can’t be perfect at everything, so why try. Let it go.

6. Other people can love you when you let them. Loving yourself first will attract more love into your life. Chances are you’ve had enough criticism and judgment in your life so don’t feed that monster anymore.

Prue’s thought of the day: “When you don’t love yourself enough, your inner monster will let you know! Tune in and listen to the whispers.”

Love you,

  1. Jutta Holden

    Thank you so much! You lift me up, I appreciate all you do!