Being a good chauffeur is more than just knowing how to drive.

When someone you care about is involved in a serious dilemma, be it physical or psychological, you can be his or her chauffeur.  WE chuckle about his at our therapy meetings because the husbands who come often introduce themselves as their wife’s chauffeur.  They are not there ready to share the emotional experience, but come as a mechanical aide to their wives.

One husband I know sharing the trip with his wife used the chauffeur as his metaphor in a beautiful poem:

But I am separated from my wife’s reality,
The cancer is in her body, not mine.
Like the glass that separates the limousine driver from the passenger.

The two occupants travel together, but I am only the chauffeur.

He understands that he is there to help, but he is like a good chauffeur, following the directions that come from the back seat.  Where they go isn’t up to him.  He has to let his passenger decide the route and the destination.  He and his wife are a special team and know where they are going.

The next time you find yourself acting as a chauffeur, remember to listen to the backseat driver.

– Bernie