This is a guest blog post by Prudence Sinclair.
Hello, lovely you!
There comes a quiet moment in life – maybe after yet another people-pleasing decision, a stinging comment, or the exhaustion of constantly trying to “get it right” – when we must stop and ask ourselves: Whose life am I living?
If that moment has brought you here, take a breath. You’re not alone.
So many of us carry the invisible weight of seeking approval. We adjust our personalities to fit rooms, silence our opinions to avoid rocking the boat, or chase praise like it’s proof of our worth. It’s a silent, exhausting dance we’ve been doing for years, often without realizing the music has been playing on repeat since childhood.
But here’s the truth that might set you free: you don’t need permission to be who you are. You never did.
Why We Seek Approval
Seeking approval is a natural part of being human. As children, we needed validation to survive. Smiles meant we were safe, and approval meant we were loved. But when we grow up and never question those patterns, we become adults who fear disapproval more than we crave authenticity.
We learn to shape-shift: the agreeable friend, the high-achieving employee, the selfless partner. We fear saying “no,” speaking up, or simply being different because someone might not like it. And when they don’t? It feels like rejection of who we are, not just what we did.
But approval is a moving target. You can twist yourself into a perfect shape, and someone will still prefer straight lines.
The Cost of Approval-Seeking
It’s easy to downplay how much seeking approval steals from us. But over time, it chips away at the most sacred parts of our identity.
- We say “yes” when we want to say “no.”
- We downplay our achievements so we don’t appear “too much.”
- We stay in jobs, relationships, or roles that no longer fit.
- We second-guess ourselves so often we forget how to trust our own voice.
And slowly, we start to disappear from our own lives.
The Most Beautiful Rebellion There Is
Releasing the need for approval doesn’t mean we stop caring about others. It means we stopabandoning ourselves in order to be liked.
Coming home to yourself means becoming your own source of validation. It means listening to your gut over the crowd, honoring your needs without apology, and trusting that your worth doesn’t fluctuate based on who approves of you.
It’s not always easy. But it’s the most beautiful rebellion there is.
Here are a few gentle ways to begin:
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Get Curious About the Pattern
Ask yourself: Where in my life do I feel most anxious about being liked? Is it with family? At work? On social media?
Then go deeper: Whose approval am I still chasing? Often, we realize we’re trying to please someone who doesn’t even hold that much power anymore. Maybe a critical parent, a demanding boss, or an old version of ourselves.
Awareness is the first key to freedom.
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Practice Disappointing People (Yes, Really)
It sounds strange, but learning to disappoint others is a vital life skill. You will not be everyone’s cup of tea—and you’re not supposed to be.
Say “no” kindly but clearly. Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. Watch how the world doesn’t end.
Discomfort is not danger. Disagreement is not rejection. And someone else’s disapproval is not your failure.
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Reaffirm Your Own Voice
When you’ve lived in approval-seeking mode for a long time, your inner voice might be faint. It’s time to turn up the volume.
Journaling can help. So can simply asking yourself daily: What do I want today? What do I need? What would feel good right now?
At first, it may feel unfamiliar. But that quiet whisper inside you? It’s you. And it’s worth listening to.
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Surround Yourself with Mirrors, Not Judges
You deserve to be around people who see you clearly and reflect your light back to you, not just those who approve of you when you perform, conform, or please.
Seek relationships where you can show up messy, real, joyful, contradictory – in other words, fully human – and still feel loved. That’s not too much to ask. That’s the bare minimum of belonging.
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Make Peace with Being Misunderstood
This may be the hardest one.
We all want to be understood. But sometimes, in order to be true to ourselves, we have to let go of the need to explain or justify who we are.
People will project. They will assume. They might talk.
Let them.
Your peace is not worth trading for their misunderstanding. Your life is too sacred to shape around what others think you should be.
The Freedom on the Other Side
Here’s what no one tells you: when you release the need for approval, something miraculous happens.
You begin to breathe easier. Your shoulders relax. You laugh louder. You take risks. You show up.
You start attracting people who love the real you, not the polished performance, but the raw, radiant soul underneath. And most importantly, you begin to love that version of you too.
You make peace with the idea that not everyone will like you. But you will always have you. And that is enough.
A Gentle Reminder
You don’t need a permission slip to be yourself.
You don’t need a round of applause to validate your worth.
You don’t need to earn love by shrinking, performing, or pleasing.
You are already enough. Just as you are.
So take a deep breath, let go of the masks, and come home to yourself. There’s so much beauty waiting for you on the other side of approval.