Question for Bernie
My mom died of cancer when I was 13 in the 1970’s. I read about people who have been cured since then. I am confident that my wife can be healed if she would open up to her feelings. She is a culture Jew and was brought up in Queens. Her father was a workaholic and a yeller and her mom was very dependent. My wife grew up in a home where both parents regularly yelled at each other, but she does not talk about it.
My wife’s father died of cancer at my wife’s present age of 57. My wife’s mother has lived with us for the last 14 years. My wife developed arthritis within a year of her mom’s arrival. I have been taking care of her mom and buffering them from each other for the last 14 years. This fall we moved my mother-in-law into a retirement home. My wife has devoted her life to our only son who is graduating from high school this year.
My wife is a great computer programmer and seems to love it. She has been managing my son’s soccer team for years. This year is a major transition, however, with her mom’s move and son graduating. The cancer was found New Year’s Eve. She is cared for by many people because she volunteers a lot. She does not express her emotions other than anger, which is short lived.
I have been married to my wife for 20 years now, and though I have tried, she shuts down when I talk about deep issues. I love her very much, and I believe she loves me. She has done very poorly since her first chemo treatment on Friday. She seemed to do well the first 3 days, but she has been in pain and bedridden since then. We have capable doctors, but they treat the body not the emotional needs. I need some guidance. I believe if she can get in touch with her emotions, the cure will follow.
Thank you for all of your books and tapes. They have given me comfort in my life. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you.
Bernie’s Answer
This is all about your wife not growing up with love. Encourage her by being an active listener. Let her see that you are interested in what she is saying, but don’t tell her what to do—let her speak and get her feelings out.
Love her and help her to love herself and her life. Help her understand that loving herself and her life gives the message to her body that she wants to live.
Give her my books to read and hope that she reads them. The two I would recommend starting with are LOVE, MEDICINE & MIRACLES, and more recently published, THE ART OF HEALING—Uncovering Your Inner Wisdom & Potential for Self-Healing. The tapes can also help her to visualize going through treatment without having any side effects. You can find everything you need on my website, www.berniesiegelmd.com. Remember, she can change doctors if they are not responding to her as a person. You can support her as she decides about whether her doctors are listening to her as a person, not just treating her as a statistic.
Peace be with you and your wife as you take one day at a time,
Bernie