Question for Bernie:
I’m a big fan here in Europe. I’m a 33-year-old young mother who was diagnosed three years ago with inflammatory breast cancer. It has spread to my liver and my bones now.
I realized after the diagnosis that all my life I have not been fulfilling my needs, but only those of others, especially my parents. I have been trying to fulfill their wishes about my life, getting married, who to marry, traveling, etc., so that they will not be unhappy.
I decided to move to another city on the sea and I love it. My parents are totally depressed about it, and sometimes I feel guilty because of that as if I’m doing something wrong. I know I shouldn’t be feeling that way.
I would really love to hear a word from you.
Thank you.
Bernie’s Answer:
You are doing what is right—I’m very glad that you discovered how to love yourself. Even at your young age, you lost a lot of time trying to please others.
Now that you are in touch with your authentic self, reparent yourself. Put some of your childhood pictures around your home and when you look at them, let yourself feel great love and approval for who that little girl really is.
Find some mottos or quotations to put up around your house, too, that lift your spirit and give you a sense of the approval you deserve. Love yourself and your new life and then miracles happen.
Your body needs to know you love being alive and do not feel guilt, shame or blame for how your parents or anyone else trying to “live your life for you” feels. That was what your parents put in your mind when you were a child instead of helping you find your authentic self—your unique being—that is only you.
So give yourself a new name and start living by letting your heart make up your mind. Love your new life and your body and it will keep you alive. Now that you have taken control of your life back from others, start living a healthy life and grow as the wonderful person you are.
This is the first quotation to put up in your house to see every day—from me
“You are loved” ~ Bernie Siegel
Bernie
Question for Bernie:
How can I stop feeling “Poor Me?” I live alone but try and get out as much as possible. I visit friends and keep busy in my garden, which is now becoming a burden as I have arthritis.
I am 66 years old and in reasonable health except for the arthritis. My children seem so distant and it appears I am always the one that rings them after not hearing for a while. I don’t want them to feel I am a burden.
At this point, I honestly don’t know what life is all about. I sound very depressed but I don’t show it to the world. Please, can you help? I am thinking of moving to a retirement apartment to hopefully have people around me and socialize more. Thank you.
Bernie’s Answer:
Yes, you do need people around you. I would also encourage you to consider getting a pet if you can commit to taking care of a dog or cat, for example, and especially to loving that little creature. I know you will get unconditional love back from your pet, lifting your spirits and giving you new purpose. Pets teach us how to live in the moment and how to give love spontaneously and genuinely.
Find something you like to do where you can give love and compassion and not seek it.
Just tell your kids you love them and expect nothing. True love is blind to faults.
On my Quote for the Day calendar, I found one person’s answer to what life is all about…
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
~ Rita Mae Brown