Question for Bernie

My daughter has been diagnosed with Sweet Syndrome. Her doctor feels it is connected to psoriatic arthritis.

She is 47-years-old and in need of good advice to be able to continue having a good life.  She is in lots of pain and discomfort.

I look forward to getting your advice and sharing it with my daughter.

Thank you,
Her Mom

Bernie’s Answer

naturopathyI suggest that your daughter see a naturopathic physician to guide her with herbal, homeopathic, and other treatments that are not drug oriented.  A naturopath can design a holistic treatment plan that reduces inflammation and addresses many more areas effectively.

One of the best resources for getting excellent information on supplements along with your order is

It is important that your daughter look at her life and honestly identify what is causing her the stress and anger that she is internalizing.  There is a direct relationship between this and her weakened immune system.

Make_a_ListShe can help herself immensely by doing this easy exercise.  Tell her she will be making two lists—List #1 and List #2.  On List #1, ask her to write down words that describe the pain and discomfort she is experiencing.  She can use any words she wants to along with the common descriptions like stabbing, burning, aching, etc.  Some people also use words like annoying, interfering, constant, unrelenting, dark, cruel, domineering, resistant, and so on.

When she’s finished with List #1, ask her to start on List #2 by writing brief descriptions of situations and/or the names of people in her life right now that could be described by using one or more of the words from List #1.  This exercise makes it possible for your daughter to participate actively in her treatment, giving her a sense of control by choosing to completely eliminate, or drastically curtail time spent in any situation or with any person she noted on List #2.  It is important to lessen contact with situations and people who are draining her energy, thus negatively affecting her immune system.



Question for Bernie

I feel that my problems stem from having children.  I don’t feel that I have been a good mother. My children range in age from 17 to 27. Three of them have alcohol and drug problems, and the fourth is feeling lost because so much attention has been given to the others and their problems.  My life revolves around all of them and their problems.

My husband is working in another country, and my desire was to go live with him, which I did. But because of my kids fighting, arguing, and having problems with the law, I had to come back and take care of things.  I am the main caregiver for my only grandchild whose mother is not interested in him.  He is just four years old.

I feel like I am drowning in my children and their problems.  It seems it would be best if I just slipped away and passed on.  I would be very grateful for your input.

Bernie’s Answer

moms-help-adult-childrenMy experience has taught me that the kind of behavior you describe among your adult children comes from each not feeling loved from early in their lives. Instead, each felt indifference and rejection.  The addictions are a search for feelings missing in those early years, specifically, love. And of course none of them will ever resolve feeling unloved by abusing substances.  What they need is your love.  Take the role of life coach for them now.

Show each of your children that you do love them by speaking out about it clearly and frequently.  Keep the focus on love and forgiveness. Join them in moving on in a positive way so that they can find self-worth by learning to care for and about themselves.

You can still not like their addictions, but you can love them as if they were all your grandchildren.  See you little grandson as a second chance to be a positive, loving influence on not just him, but his mother and aunts and uncles, too.

Question for Bernie

I repeatedly dream that I’m driving along a road and come to a crossing where it seems that all lanes on the opposite side are coming towards me. There is no lane continuing in the direction I am coming from. Sometimes I just drive along the “wrong way,” frightened, of course, that I’ll get hit by a car coming the “right way.”  Sometimes I just try to squeeze through between the road and the walls of the houses or on the sidewalk.

suitcase overflowAnother recurring dream that I have is that I have to be at the airport at 10, and I cannot get finished packing—or I get there and find I do not have my passport. When I try to call someone for help, my phone is not working, or I cannot manage to type the number in correctly.

These recurring dreams leave me stressed and helpless.  What do you make of this?

Bernie’s Answer

Your subconscious is telling you that you are headed in the wrong direction.  It is showing you through the dreams that you need to organize your life in a better way.

Once you have organized your life in a better way, you can handle various things that come up.  We all experience those times when we feel unprepared to handle something, but if you understand who you are, you can get through these times without trauma.  The old saying is that you want the wind at your back and then you can go with the flow of the rising and falling tides in life.

Look at situations in your life right now that are preventing you from learning who you really are.  If possible, eliminate those barriers or at least shorten the amount of time you spend in any situation or with any person preventing you from growing emotionally.




Related posts:

  1. Q & A with Bernie – July 8, 2013
  2. Q & A with Bernie – Oct. 31, 2011
  3. Q & A with Bernie – July 30, 2012
  4. Q & A with Bernie – September 23, 2013
  5. Q & A with Bernie – April 8, 2013
This entry was posted in Mind / Body Medicine, Parenting & Family, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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