Question for Bernie:
Bernie, I am a student at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I am also the mother of two beautiful adopted children and a stay-home mother.
I have had self-esteem issues ever since I was a young child. I find myself very angry at my husband almost all of the time, to the point that I have told him to find another place to live and to leave. He refuses. I feel guilty and heartbroken.
I have tried traditional counseling to no avail. Do you have any recommendations?
Bernie’s Answer:
Unfortunately, like so many people, you were hypnotized as a child with negative messages told to you consistently by your parents. You need to reprogram yourself and it is hard. Rather than delving deeply into how this happened to you, take the approach cognitive therapy support. That is, take action. Put up your baby and childhood pictures around your house where you see them every day. Look at them and let yourself love that child—YOU.
In addition to helping yourself by learning to love who you are, your children will notice and you can show them by your own actions how important it is to love themselves. You can break this cycle of negativity that so many parents perpetuate from their own childhood and visit upon their children.
Along with your childhood pictures, put up mottoes to live by. Teach them to your children so all of you can surround your home life with positive thoughts. This positive outlook extends, then, beyond the walls of home, into all aspects of life. Love yourself for many reasons, not the least of which is that you are endowing your children, along with yourself, with a purely positive approach to life, anchored by learning to love yourselves first.
Act as if you are the person you want to become. This is a powerful way to quickly see the power you have within yourself…and to find your authentic self. Your authentic self is who you truly are—not the person you were told you were or you tried to be in order to live up to what you were being told about yourself.
Please be patient with yourself—do not talk to yourself in the negative way you were talked to by your parents. Instead, tell yourself that you love yourself for taking the steps to be your authentic self and that you deserve all the time it takes to realize this new you.
Tell your husband, “I love you” when you feel like yelling at him, and when he is angry, tell him it makes him look handsome! Humor will no doubt ensue, and that defusing all anger and negativity. It is a great way to reconnect when stresses have pushed you apart. Teach your husband to say “I love you” when you are angry. It won’t be long before anger will not be the dominant emotion in your relationship.
Love your fate and ask what you are to learn from all this, and always be compassionate towards yourself and your family. Do what your heart wants you to do. Find the “chocolate ice cream” in your life and go and get it.
Peace,
Bernie
Response to Bernie about His Answer:
God bless you, Bernie. This is just what I needed to hear. I know it will take a long time and that scares me. I will be patient and gentle with myself, my husband and my children. I am printing your email now to share with my husband. It’s too bad there aren’t more doctors just like you.
Question for Bernie:
I’m 37 years old have three young kids. We moved to USA nine years ago and live not far from you. I love your books and am really a big believer that our body has the ability to cure itself.
One year ago we found out that I have 60% chance of having thyroid cancer. Of course, the solution was surgery according to my doctor, but as a Naturopath I said to myself that I’m going to try and do everything I know and more to avoid surgery. I did Reiki, nutrition, acupuncture, affirmations, self-love, reading and learning about new ideas in health.
Since I got this diagnosis, the year has gone by. I had another CT which showed that this suspected thyroid cancer is still there, and still the same size. Actually, it was good news to know that it is no larger than it was one year ago.
My question is “How do I keep going, and how do I know that I’m doing the right thing? What am I missing?” It’s a very stressful time for me.
Bernie’s Answer:
You have to follow your heart and not feel guilty about whatever happens in the future. You can have a biopsy also to know what it is which would definitely help you stop wondering and worrying. Also, you could consider having it removed surgically.
The key is that you have to feel comfortable with yourself and what you are doing. If you question your decisions and blame yourself for failing to heal, then removing the lump surgically is not such a terrible thing. It sometimes can be harder on your health to be constantly anxious.
Meanwhile, see it as a lump of ice which you and god’s light warm up and melt away.
Peace,
Bernie