Question for Bernie:
I have struggled with low energy, lack of meaning/zest for life, digestive issues, (had an eating disorder for a while), anger issues, commitment issues, and trust issues for as long as I can remember.
I always feel like I am broken, or just like there is always something wrong with me and that nothing will ever heal or help me. At this point, I am just thinking it is all mental, and was wondering if you could give me any pointers to break through this mental block.
I am starting to really try to use visualization. The Secret, for example, helped me get a new job and a few other things I asked for from the universe. But my health is something I am struggling with. Your help is very much appreciated. Thanks!
The first step to take is to completely abandon your past and how your parents treated you. Find pictures of yourself as a baby and young child. Put them up where you see them several times a day. Every time you look at that little girl in the picture, tell her you love her and that she has a bright future ahead. Tell her she is healthy and gives you so much joy. Tell her you love to watch her run and play. Tell her you love to see the things she makes at school and all of her other school work. Tell her you want her to know that she is very smart and talented.
Make up your mind—as only you can do to love your life just as it is right now. Remember above all, nobody else can invade your mind and force you to do what you do not agree to do. Along with loving your life, love your body just as it right now. It is a fact that you have a job and can work, so your body has helped you achieve that, and it is ready to help you much more if you send your body the message that you love it right now.
Stop sending your body the message that it is your enemy—that it has multiple dysfunctional parts and is ruining your life. Step back and try to remember the messages you were sent as a child. Those messages, sent continually at a critical point in your early life, created an image of yourself in your mind of a person who, in multiple ways, was dysfunctional. At some point, you reached a time in your life where you took over the “responsibility” of sending those negative messages to yourself. You were able to take better aim with the negative messages because you were sending them yourself. And, by that point in time, those negative messages got “hard wired” into your nervous system—you totally believed them.
Just as you were powerless to keep up with the expectations your parents had of you, or fix everything in their messages about what was wrong with you, now your body is trying to keep up with messages from you that are unloving and demanding—but the good news is that you have total control over that and can stop it right now. You can change the messages you send to loving, positive ones and your body will respond.
Your body and mind cooperated on your visualization about getting a new job and other things you wanted. That is all the proof you need that they can and will cooperate with you on a powerful visualization about being totally healthy, strong, and whole—with self-respect and with a restored zest for life.
One suggestion I have for something to include in your visualization is seeing yourself sharing that restored zest for life with others—actively listening and helping other people who struggle with similar issues. Being an active listener is hard for most people, yet we all want to be heard. So whether you are helping someone by letting them talk while you listen, try to really pay full attention and understand the complete message being sent. We have to suspend are normally more inwardly aimed attention to do this, but again, remember how you feel when someone actually does listen to you, and how you feel when they don’t.
Helping other people in whatever way is comfortable for you is one sure path to feeling much, much better about yourself. This is critical because not only do you want to replace all those negative messages from childhood with positive ones now, you want those positive messages to be permanent. To sustain true happiness in your life, you have to see yourself with respect. That means eliminating all negative self-talk.
Check out the various kinds of meditation there are and if you choose one that encourages the use of a mantra, create a healing mantra to repeat which relaxes you.
I encourage you to look into homeopathy and nutrition with a naturopathic physician.
Exercise is, as I am certain you already know, very important. It is also sometimes hard to do, but our body chemistry really responds in a healing, stress-reducing way even to light exercise—the most important part about doing exercise is to do it regularly.
Make two lists. On List #1 write down the words you would use to describe the illnesses, issues, and concerns you include in your question. Then, on List #2 put names of people or descriptions of situations you could also describe using one or more of the words on List #1. Ask yourself what it would feel like to eliminate everything in your life that you can describe with the negative words on List #1…not just the physical and emotional problems, but also the people and situations in your life now that you can describe with negative words.
Question for Bernie:
I have gone into homeopathy, natural medicine, Reiki, and energy healing but nothing seems to work. I always have problems with constipation and lack of energy. I just feel stuck. I feel like I am holding myself back, and I cannot find my passion, my path in life.
How do I just let go of anger? I really feel like I cannot feel any type of love, especially after my parents’ divorce. I have closed myself off from everyone, but I want and need to feel and love again. I feel like I put up a brick wall with everyone I meet.
Thank you for your response. I appreciate your time.
To get unstuck, you need to change the image you have of yourself. Only YOU can do that. Often people think they need others to “fix” them. Yes, others can help with physical, emotional, and spiritual issues, but first we have to be able to see ourselves as deserving of their care so our body can accept it.
While I have seen people do amazingly well with meditation, I think visualization may help you change your self-image somewhat faster. Meditation can be very important in sustaining your vision, as well as relieving stress and helping you learn to let depressive thoughts float in and out of your consciousness.
One way to approach visualization, whether you are using a CD to guide you or just doing it alone, is to first write down some key words or phrases related to your self-image as it is right now. Be very honest.
Then write down how you want to see yourself. Use the visualization daily and also start consciously acting as if you are that person now—you with self-respect, you comfortable meeting new people, you without anxiety, you free of depression, you with lots of energy, you pain free, you being assertive when needed, you enjoying helping others, and so on. Organize what you write down in whatever way you wish. Maybe for the first week of your visualization, you only want to choose one element, like the increased energy for example, to the “acting like you are that person now” component. Listen to your inner voice and do what feels right. But make sure YOU are making the decisions about this—not old negative messages that are limiting you before you even get started.
Meditation is also very effective for letting go of anger. Negative messages from your childhood, which you intuitively knew were wrong even then, left you with repressed emotions that translate into anger. Sometimes women cannot hold that in completely and it slips out. Women in our society are expected to withhold anger, so if it slips out, there are often negative consequences.
The approach to take for an anger problem is to tap into your unconscious mind where you will find your masculine side. The behavior you find there that will help you diffuse the repressed anger you already have and help you avoid absorbing any more from your relationships and interactions in life is being assertive.
For most women, regardless of their physical or emotional health, being assertive is a risk-taking behavior. But it is also an important survival behavior. It is never too late to start learning how to be assertive rather than passive. Passivity is dangerous to your health because it does result in repressed anger which our body responds to with inflammation. We know how destructive chronic inflammation is to our tissues, but we can successfully use the Mind-Body-Spirit connection to eliminate it with this and other survival behaviors.
See the last paragraph in my answer to the first question in today’s column about making List #1 and List #2. Be sure to do this. For List #1, you can use any word—it doesn’t have to be a medical term or word always associated with the illness or issue you are describing. You can use words like “annoying” or “constant” or “maddening” or “time-wasting”…. whatever you want to use along with regular medical words associated with the illness or physical/emotional problem.